Wednesday, April 14, 2010

In Which a Man Becomes a Mystery

I think I could do a long series on the crazy people that frequent the dog park, if I wanted to.  And maybe I do.  This second post about a weird dog run person is fresh on my brain, because I got a startling bit of news about him today.

There is a man that I refer to as The Puggle Guy.  He owns a puggle named Shiloh, and I don't know his actual name—so there you go.  He comes in all the time in a green and black windbreaker.  He wears this windbreaker in the dead of winter and also in the hottest days of summer.  He will walk in wearing sandals with socks, very tight shorts, and this green and black windbreaker.  He is also never without his fanny pack.  There are a lot of people who wear fanny packs to the dog run, because (1) fashion is not an issue in the dog park and (2) you can carry all sorts of stuff for your dog in it (treats, plastic bags, water, &c).  But I've never once seen Puggle Guy take anything out of his fanny pack, leading me to wonder desperately what must be inside it.  Anyway, he's a fairly average looking middle-aged guy, pretty slim, somewhere around 5'10 or so, maybe taller, with a slight slouch in his posture and heavily grayed hair.

He is also one of the most gregarious people I've ever met.  He chats everyone up, particularly the ladies.  There's only one problem: he is one of the most awkward people I have ever talked to.  And all he wants to talk about is puggles.  If you don't know what a puggle is, then you should talk to Puggle Guy, because there's nothing you can do to stop him telling you everything he knows about puggles.  And he knows the name of every puggle that ever sets foot in the dog run, and feels it is important to inform you of this all the time.  It made me want to tear my ears out and pour acid into the remaining holes.

Here's the really important news: I found out today that The Puggle Guy tutors men on the subject of dating as his day job.  He makes his living teaching men how to pick up women and be better dates.  This guy is so irritating, I can't imagine how he is making any money!  So now it's a mystery, and I'm interested.  I bet it has something to do with the fanny pack.  You know what they say about men with fanny packs…

No comments: